just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
