not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
