Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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