everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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