I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
