I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We're like a lot better than the average bears
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
