Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
