Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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