i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My ATM looks so different sober.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
