How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
