Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
