pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
