Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
