Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
