my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We left an ass print on the piano.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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