That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
