they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
