Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
one might say we're banned from that church
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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