is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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