That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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