You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i now understand why vodka
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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