Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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