She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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