i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
