I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Blood and glitter go together right?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am mentally ready for anal.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
