You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
