Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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