it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just sent this text using only my big toe
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
