i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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