I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
