i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
