i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
