So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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