You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
