The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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