I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
