I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
