I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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