I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
