i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
