Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
