I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
