Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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