dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
