How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
