the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
