I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
