I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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