Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
