The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
