new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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