I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
