just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
